Thirty days hath September, April, June, and...

...this blog...

Yes, believe it or not, this is the 30th entry for Thethankyouyear.blogspot.com. So, what do I have to say for myself?

Uh, can you guess?

Hmmmm?

Well, thank you is it....Thank you to all of you that have stuck it out & read along with me.

So far, you have all joined me for a heart attack, a surgery, a PAINFUL set of cramps. You have also witnessed a return home, a teary-eyed 10 year old who learned what was wrong with his dad. Not only that, you have read about my medications, my boring days of doing nothing and my rehabilitation experience.

Since starting this blog, you all have opened Christmas or Chanukah presents (or BOTH, Linda) and you have welcomed in a new year. If you are me...well, okay work with me here...you cursed the heck outta 2015.

Unfortunately, you witnessed the deaths of David Bowie, Alan Rickman and, more importantly, the death of an 11 year old boy in a tragic way.

While you were reading my posts, three people spent a buck and instantly became some of the richest people in the country. (By the way, if any of you were one of those three Powerball winners; CONGRATS! and I am VERY happy to announce that I found out we are cousins.)

Now, why am I telling you about all of this? Am I afraid you were so involved in my blog that you needed a current events lesson?

Uh, no, I didn't think that. BUT...if that IS the case, glad I could help.

No, what I am trying to do is point out just how much life I have left to live and how grateful I am to God for letting me live it. In just this short month, we have seen so many things, and felt feelings from sheer joy, to exasperation, to boredom, and even complete sadness.

And all of the feelings and experiences have been awesome to me. Not awesome as in, "Dude! That was AWESOME!" But awesome as in I am in awe of each. I can't tell you I was happy to be sad the other day. The day I found out about William's friend was horrible, but I was in awe of the situation. I was in awe of the power with which that news grabbed me.

And...as strange as it may sound...I was glad I was there to GET that message.

The last 2 months have been pretty normal. Famous people died, they always do. Friends have had good news...and bad. Like it or not, that will happen all the time. Stocks rose and fell, we ate too much turkey, and Santa visited millions of homes all in one night.

Pretty basic stuff.

But, in just that short time, for as plain as it was, SO much has happened. So many things that I might not have ever seen took place. So much that my family would have looked at in a different way if only Ashley or I had waited another 2 minutes, or tried to "tough it out."

I am a very lucky man, a blessed man and I have never known it as concretely as I do now. Every boring day, every run-of-the-mill event, every little hello from a friend will drive that point home even more.

Please know I mean these 5 words for each of you with all of my heart...

Good night and God Bless

30, 6, 10, 5, 130, 145, 160

Nope not the winning Powerball numbers, the winning rehab numbers.

Today was a benchmark day. I have been doing 30 minutes on the treadmill for a while now. But today, I actually hit 6 miles an hour. That's a 10 minute mile. And for me, THAT is a good solid run folks. I was ACTAULLY RUNNING today.

In fact, I was running for a good 5 minutes. I am psyched!

I have been in rehab since right before Christmas and I have progressed from a simple walk around a flat track, to walking on an incline to...<gulp>...RUNNING!!!

Better yet, I have been able to surpass my goal heart rate in just a few weeks. My Exercise Physiologist wanted me to get my heart rate between 130 and 145 beats per minute (BPM) and not be huffing & puffing.

Well, at 6 miles an hour, I was hitting 160 beats per minute & just starting to get winded.

Can I get a, "YES" from everyone?!?!?

My final goal was to be a heart rate of 165 BPM & I was at 160 already. I am so happy.

Now, there is still a long way to go. I need to be able to get myself up to 160 BPM for all 30 minutes and do it without the help of medicine that artificially keeps my heart rate down. BUT...today made me feel really, really good.

I ACTUALLY broke a pretty good sweat today. See for yourself...

When I check in, they take my BP, heart rate & weight.

See? I TOLD you I was running.

I'll talk more about how rehab works another day.

For today...YAY ME!!!

Thanks for sticking with me y'all.

Good night & God bless.

Last night was a very powerful night for me & writing the post took a lot out of me.

So, I am not sure what to write about tonight. In fact, I had most of a post written and deleted it. I started another one & stopped. As I try again to write and reflect, I will ask for some your patience and understanding if this post is a little disjointed.

After last night, I promised you all a more uplifting post tonight.

And yet...

And yet...I was at work today as if nothing happened. It was quite "usual".
And yet...I didn't have rehab today, so I can't give you any uplifting news there.
And yet...I have a little girl with pink eye  & a double ear infection.

How's THAT for uplifting? It is actually pretty...well...boring, isn't it?

But maybe that is the uplifting thing in and of itself. Today was boring. Today was usual.

Maybe...
Maybe...today is the day I start to put the heart attack behind me & start living in the present.
Maybe...today is the day I begin to take the word "new" out of the phrase, "My new lifestyle."
Maybe...today I can help someone else with their situation, ignoring my own.

If that is the case, I am doing pretty well thank-you.

I am certainly not saying I am "all better", or that I have been perfect in my eating, and I probably still don't get enough sleep. So, I am not a "new man." But, I made better food decisions, I will get to bed right after I finish this post and I was thinking about someone ELSE's problem today instead of my own. And none of it feels strange, it all feels normal.

Maybe I am truly starting to recover mentally.
And yet, I know I have to keep working and keep trying and keep improving.

Now, if you have it in you, please offer prayers again for the family of the boy who just passed away. I'm doing pretty good right now & would  love to know our prayers were going to someone who certainly needs them more than I do tonight.

That is it for tonight. I hope it wasn't too hard to read, and it was not too heavy.

Good night and God bless.

Tonight is a night for a reality check. It is a night where I talk about someone else's situation so that I can realize JUST how lucky I am and maybe you all can do the same.

More importantly however, tonight is a night where I ask you to pray for another person, a person who is not me; in this case a whole family.

I just found out that a family with whom we are acquainted has lost a son, a 10 year old son. I don't know any of the details yet. All I know is this just happened & that it was absolutely not expected.

Did I mention this post was going to be a reality check? If you haven't yet, hug someone...now.

The boy was a Cub Scout with my oldest son. They were a month away form graduating to Boy Scouts. Last week, they were running and laughing and doing everything ELSE 10 year old boys should do during their Den Meeting.

A boy who my oldest son knows, and just saw a week ago, will not be there next time our group meets. He isn't going to be there to receive the badges he's earned this month, or to bridge over to Boy Scouts.

What will the parents do? Or the siblings? How do they reconcile this?

Wait....WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!?!? Did I just type all that?
This can't be real, life doesn't "just end."

Does it? I mean, I was dead for 2 minutes and here I sit typing a letter to anyone who wants to read it.
Life gets challenged and fights back, right? Bad things happen and then they are fixed or forgotten, RIGHT?

No, bad things happen. People pass, wars start, houses burn. But why? That age old question without an answer.

Here's another question. Would you ask God to stop all of those things? If you could, would you ask God to make us all rich? smart? handsome?

I've talked to friends about the ONE thing I would ask God to change about this world. Sickness? No, too simple. Immortality for loved ones? Nope, that can be a curse as well as a blessing. Riches? No way, too fleeting.

But, children...children should ALWAYS outlive their parents and THAT is what I would ask for.

Why am I sort of aimlessly rambling on about this horrible, horrible news in a blog about recovery?

Well, it gets RIGHT to the crux of this blog.
This goes right to 2 of the lessons I've learned.

1. I AM A VERY LUCKY MAN! I have a great family, and my family does not have to make the decisions, or suffer the realities that come with tragedy like the one I'm relating to you. Bad things DO happen. Things that can never be changed, or explained. For some reason, I avoided putting my family into such a situation. Someday soon, I hope to know WHY & what I am to do with this extra time on Earth.
   
2. No matter how bad your situation, if you look, you can probably find someone who needs help and support even more than you do. My family had a scare. I have to change my lifestyle. I have plenty of bills, a car with a crunched bumper, a house that leaks and squeaks, a baby with a fever (yep 101), and a myriad of other things that make me hold my head in my hands...
   
   ....and in comparison to a SINGLE event that another family must now endure,  this is all absolutely nothing. A man who was asking how I was a week ago now needs more support than I EVER would. God give me the strength and insight to help him through this in any way I can.

There is a family tonight who is enduring sadness that I have only imagined in my worst nightmares. They need support, they need love, they need...

So, I ask you all tonight to say a prayer, think good thoughts, hug a friend or family member. Do whatever you think will send good vibes to this family and help them survive and deal with what I consider the tragedy of all tragedies.

I am sure tomorrow will be a much more uplifting post, assuming I don't write about the nightmares I had tonight.

Good night & (no matter what) God bless

I am sorry I missed you all yesterday. It was a loooooooong day and a really good day.
Friends, great friends came over for dinner with their kids and then took me to the Wake Forest vs. NC State basketball game.

That is actually why I missed yesterday. By the time we got the house in order, it was time for our visitors & as soon as dinner was over, it was off to the game.

The game play was "okay." But it was one of the best games I ever gone to. Two friends & I got to sit in awesome seats and watch a basketball game. Not only that, I got to see 2 kids play last night that I have known since they were high school sophomores.

So, what did my friends give me for my birthday? A game ticket? A night out with the guys?
NAH....they gave me memories; memories that I almost missed out on. Memories that I hope to look back on when I take my grandkids to a college basketball game.

Last night was a great start to my birthday celebration.

Yep...you heard me (well, okay, you didn't actually HEAR anything).

Today is my birthday. Today, I turned 47 years old.

Today, no one had to remember me, or imagine what I would have done on my birthday.

TODAY I  woke up, took a breath and lived.
And today I can tell you what I did for my birthday.

Boy, now that old joke has new meaning. You know the one.....

It's your BIRTHDAY?!? How old are you?!? Well, it is better than the alternative!

Yes, yes it is better than the alternative, in so many ways, and for so many people.'

So, what DID I do today? I went to work for more than 1/2 a day. A small step forward.
Then I came home and had a great dinner made by my lovely wife & a DELICIOUS cake from Tart's Sweets in Winston-Salem.

No big party, no big announcements, just Ashley, the kids & me; together.....for another day.

I also spent a good bit of time reading the well wishes and happy birthday messages on Facebook. I got nearly 100 of 'em.

MAN...THAT is humbling. I didn't think I KNEW 100 people. The comments ranged from, "Happy bday," to long messages that reminded me how lucky I am. No matter the length, or the message, each of the posts was special to me & I thank you all.

Today I turned 47 years old, and today I turned 7 weeks old. Today, I got to hold my kids and kiss my wife.

Today I was blessed.

Good night and God bless.

Tomorrow, my heart attack will be 7 weeks and 20 lbs. ago.


IT has been a long day. Not bad, just long.

The kids & I left the house to go see mommy who was working an indoor track meet today & never made it back home till about 9 pm.

So...this will be a visual post today...

...and that is how I feel now.

Two days from #47, I am feeling every bit of my first 46 years.

Things are good; it is just late, cold, and raining. So, it is time for bed.

Good night & Go bless.

I have officially been back at work for a week. It wasn't the most productive week for sure, but it WAS a week. I went to the office about 4 hours a day. 

The team at RJ Reynolds has been great. They have been very understanding of my situation and they have been concerned for my well being. A special thanks to them for allowing me to work my way back into it at my speed.

Now, I am sure I will be under pressure to complete my work soon enough, but for now...things are going smoothly.

On the rehabilitation side, things are going well. Each day I have been going a little faster than the time before or I have been hitting my highest speed earlier in the workout. I have finally gotten to a point where my heart rate is in the range they want me to be in.

Today, in fact, I was up over 150 beats per minute (I KNOW, pretty fast, huh?!?!?). They are wanting me to consistently reach that range and, eventually, I am to reach 165 beats per minute or so.

Something else happened today. Ashley & I had the first real discussion that went something like this:

Me - "I'm going in a few minutes early today so I can get something done before rehab."

Her - "You are going into the office again?"

Me - "Yeah."

Her - "You have rehab, and you have the kids by yourself tonight."

Me - "Yeah, I know."

(Here comes the important part.)

Her - "That's too much."

Me - "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Her - "That's too much."

Me - "I feel good today."

Her - "Because you haven't been doing TOO much."

Me - "I mean, I feel like this is not too  much."

Her - "That's too much."

SO, are you getting the idea? Apparently, I tried to do too much today. Now, whether or not it WAS too much is not the point...(yes, like you all, I can hear Ashley, "That WAS too much.")

The point is that we had the discussion. At every point in a recovery like this there is a least 1 of 2 discussions. Either the survivor wants to do TOO much, or the supporter needs the survivor to take on more. You know either, "You are not ready for all that yet, slow down." or "It is time to get off your lazy..."

In our case, I tried to bite off more than maybe I should have. Ashley certainly thought I did. 

Today was the first time Ashley needed to just come out & tell me I was pushing too hard.

Another step in the recovery has passed; we had "the talk" today. I was wondering when we would have this discussion. I have known a number of folks who have had to recover from a trauma and this kind of discussion always always happens at some point.

I think I did better than most. I mean it took a whole 6 weeks before Ashley had to call me out. Who would have thought I could hold out that long before I tried to push it? If someone had a pool, I'd have bet on 3 weeks, tops.

Anyway, we had the talk, it is behind us, and we can continue with my recovery.

Good night & ...... WHAT? Oh, yeah. Sorry.... 

So, how DID today go? WAS it too much?

As it turns out, I feel pretty good. I am glad I did what I did. 

And in the final analysis....

.....remember, Ashley is my wife and I am a smart man, so here it comes.....

"That was too much." 

;)

Good night & God bless.