Why me???

No, I am not asking you that right now; but I HAVE asked that more than a few times in the last 2 months. In fact, I'll bet that most of YOU have asked that question 1 or 2 times in your life.

Here is the question I have for YOU though...

Were you asking in a positive way or  negative way?

Wait...WHAT?!?

Were you asking, "Why did that happen to ME? Why am I being punished?"
Or, did you ask, "Why did that happen to ME? Why am I being blessed like this?"

Have you ever stopped to notice that, "Why me?" can go either way? I never thought about that until I found myself asking, "Why me?" for both the positive and the negative reasons.

When this first happened, I asked, "Why me?" Why did God make me suffer a heart attack? Was I not a good enough person? Was I REALLY not taking care of myself? What did I do to deserve being hindered for the rest of my life by being labeled "a survivor?" What did I do the deserve that?

Then, once I realized that I was fortunate enough to be a survivor, I asked myself, "Why me?" What was His plan for me? What does He want me to do with the extra time He has given me?
Why had God blessed ME with the title of "survivor?" What did I do to deserve that?

Same question, yet totally different questions....and I am still asking.

Here is the thing. At this point, I am pretty much on the positive side. Why did God bless my family & I with the grace to survive the heart attack? What special thing am I supposed to do?

I mean since my "episode", I have witnessed the death of a close friend and a young boy. I have a friend who is horribly close to losing his mom way too early. Yet, God (or whomever you chose to believe in) has decided that I was worthy of a warning, not death. Someone, or something has decided that I deserved a pass.

Why me?

I am so grateful for the new lease on life. At the same time I feel some pressure to be something more than I have been. I feel the need even more than before to fix sorrow, to solve problems.

Why me?...

Two simple words. One of the shortest sentences you could write. Yet, that two syllable sentence is giving cause to stop and think like never before. Why do I "have to", why do I "get to"? Why am I still here?

If I come up with any answers, y'all will be the among first folks to know. If YOU come up with any suggestions, I BETTER be the first to know.

Good night & God bless.