My daughter asked me to show her a picture of Grandpa today.
I don't know why she asked me for that, but she did, so I found some.


What I found were the last 3 pictures I took of my dad.
Me and dad together...yep, MY dad in selfies....and a picture of him asleep in his recliner.


Now, I don't mean to dwell on my dad's passing.....that is not what this blog is about.
It is jus that having dad pass on so close to my own near death experience gives me plenty of opportunities to draw parallels.


In this case, finding the last picture I ever will take with my dad made me think; had November gone differently, what pictures would people be looking at when they saw their last pictures of me?


What "legacy" would I have left behind in the form of photographs?
The picture of dad was one of a guy with little hair (NOT my dad) and a big smile (DEFINITELY my dad). Do most people have pictures of me smiling or scowling? Am I ducking out of the way, or am I mugging for the camera?


What man would people see through the last pictures they had of me?

What man do I WANT people to see through my last pictures?


Whatever they see, I'd like folks to smile when they look back through pictures of me.
I'd like folks to see a man they remember as giving more to the world than he took away.


But...when it is all said and done, whatever man they see, I hope the one thing everyone can say is....


"Yep, THAT'S the Craig I remember."


Good night & God bless.

Saturday night is here & how well it goes depends on Monday morning.


Wait...WHAT? Today depends on tomorrow? What the heck?


Well, yeah....how tonight & tomorrow go depends on whether or not I have to travel out of town on Monday.


If I am travelling on Monday, tonight & most of tomorrow will be filled with sad faces and lot's of, "I wish you could stay."


If I get to work from home Monday, tonight & most of tomorrow will be filled with , "yay! We get to have daddy home this week!"


Funny part is that none of this would have meant diddly-doo if November 22 had gone differently. Had I passed, how would Saturday nights have gone since that day? Would there be ANY cheers? How long would it have taken for tears to be eliminated from the night?


The more I learn about my situation, the more I realize how differently tonight might have gone. What if I stayed alive, but with a badly damaged heart so that I couldn't go to LASER tag with my boys today? What if I had suffered enough brain damage (no jokes Darryl Z) that work was no longer an option? Sure, I wouldn't have to travel, but how much would that matter?


Maybe I should be HAPPY that I have to travel for work right now, because maybe I should be happy that I CAN travel for work; or happy that I can work at all.


Every since I married Ashley Noble, I knew I was one lucky guy. Ever since I saw each of my children for the first time, I knew I was ONE LUCKY SON-OF-A....


Money is tight with 3 kids, cars need new tires, the refrigerator is not making ice, the grass needs LOTS of help & we still have 2 houses to pay for.....life is tough at times....




....aren't I lucky that I get to be part of life being tough right now?




What?...


Oh....


Yep, I get to be home this week coming up.


YES! Did I mention that I am lucky?


Good night & God bless.

Ahhh Friday evenings...


So calm...so smooth...so much for THAT line of BS.


My kids are all so full of energy & Friday nights it all comes to the surface. Ashley's work usually keeps her out. SO, it is up to me to keep these little ones fed and "under control". HA!


But, ya know, I wouldn't have it an other way. After being away from the family for 4 days, I am ready to be immersed in my kids lives. Don't get me wrong, when it is time, I am ready for them to go to bed. But until then....I am all theirs.




The only hard part of Friday nights is, well, there are THREE of them and ONE of me.
I know I have talked about this before, but man is it ever tough to be active with 3 kids; good heart or bad.


To that end, I need to keep my energy as high as I can. So, you'll be happy to know that I have been keeping my fitness regimen religiously and I have been continuing to eat right.....well eat right MOST of the time.


I continue to hit the gym 3-4 days a week. A run on the treadmill, and some strength training.


As for the eating...
Now that I am 10+ months out, I have relaxed my eating habits a little. A cookie here, an ice cream there; I have let myself loose a little. I continue with a glass of wine most nights and I LOVE Mini Wheats for breakfast and snacks (they are fat, sodium and cholesterol free).


I am glad to say I am still about 145 lbs. or so & my last blood test came back with great numbers. The best number was my cholesterol (the root of my original problem). It was up from the low of 112 to 120. A bit sad that it went up, but almost ALL of the rise was in my "good cholesterol", my HDL. That is where you WANT the number to rise.


It seems like I am doing what I need to do so that my kids and my wife will have MANY years of knowing how much they mean to me......I sure hope I am anyway.


Talk to you tomorrow.


Good night and God bless.

I told you last night that I would show you pictures of my heart tonight; the thing that brings me love, that gives me life...

Well, as promised.....

There you go, 

pictures of my very reason for living.

Enough, said.

Good night and God bless.

Day 2 of the rest of this blog, and I am going to start with the Lesson Learned...

...The Doobie Brothers got it right...Music IS the Doctor (track from their Cycles album).



The last 2 days have been better because of music. Music from the Doobies, Billy Joel, James Taylor,  Boston....anyone I find uplifting.



At work and during my workout, I just wanted to pack it in for the day and sleep.....the music kept me going and even got me to play some air drums....AT WORK! It also gave me the push to get 8 miles in 30 minutes on the stationary bike .


It has been a hard few months. But somehow, even after the crappy few months I have had, I found myself walking back to my hotel, snapping my fingers and singing my own version of karaoke.


..ahhhhhhh Music...


Yep, music always HAS brought me joy and it is when I forgot that fact that I feel sad. When I remember to let music work it's magic on my heart, I instantly feel better.


So, yes, we learned that the Doobie brothers are pretty smart. But, we learned something else today too....we should all learn what brings us joy and keep it a part of our life EVERY DAY! That way, you know that EVERY DAY has a least a little joy in it....no matter how much the rest of the day stunk.


That's it for tonight, come back tomorrow and you MIGHT just get to see an actual, real picture of my heart.


Good night & God bless

Wow...three weeks, THREE WEEKS
It has been three weeks since I last wrote you all. It has been QUITE a three weeks.


Since then, I have gone from thinking my dad was gong to another chemo treatment, to having my father buried. I went from 142 lbs to 148 lbs and I went from thinking things were turning a corner and becoming positive to wondering if I was ever going to be feeling like things were going my way.


The passing of my father, Bill Donahue has been VERY hard. Dad & I were close. As his only boy, and the baby of the family, I was his "partner in crime". As such, I have been suffering many of the same problems that many others suffer when they feel lost. I have not been taking very good care of myself.


First, I have not been exercising like I was. I mean, I go....when I am here to go. It is just that when I go, the drive is not there.


I have been snacking and over eating. I have NOT been careful as to WHAT I eat...





...3 weeks???? Try 4 months and multiple false starts...




Yes folks, I started to write this post to you all on about June 21st, and needless to say it did not go well.


As you now know, since my last post, I have lost my father. I have to tell, you since that day it has not felt much like a time for thanks.





On Nov 22 last year I almost stopped hurting forever. Since June 4 THIS year, I have hurt a little every day. Not the way I was hoping this year would go.


Please don't get me wrong, I am glad to be alive. But life is not quite what it could be without my dad around. I was his partner in crime, and he was my dad....always.



That is a lot of why I have not written on this blog in so long; nothing to say, at least nothing but down-hearted and sad things. That is not what the thank-you year is supposed to be about. As you can see, even now, I am having trouble being up beat at all.


However, dad has been gone for exactly 4 months today, and it is time to get off my a$$ and get back to it. So, today, 10 months and 12 days since my heart attack, I am renewing my commitment to this blog.


I am reviving this blog in hopes that it helps someone other than me.



More importantly, I am publicly renewing my commitment to my family and to making sure that for them the outcome of Nov. 22 was not a waste.



See, since June 4, I have not been the best husband or father I could be.
I have never been father or husband of the year material, but this last little while the joy that is my family has been buried in my own self doubt and sadness. Things that have held me back before, are impacting my family more than ever recently.



This was never more evident than the other night when my selfish behavior may have ruined Ashley's night. She needed a night out with the girls and I acted needy and selfish to the point that it may have messed up her 1 chance to enjoy the evening.



I am sorry baby.



Whoops.... back into sadness mode. I don't want to go there, but Ashley deserves a public apology; as do our friends that she was out with.... for your privacy... you know you are.




So... today is my "feel sorry for myself post." There is no great message, no useful information, and no smiles.



Tomorrow, I will be back to posting consistently, concisely (maybe) and with a purpose other than to get every to sob for me.



To those of you who have read from day one, I am sorry for the hiatus and thank you for your love.
To those of you just joining me, please don't think this post represents this blog well. As much as I tried to avoid it, this post had to happen to kick-start me. Please go back and begin reading from post #1.



To everyone, please forget this post as quickly as you can.....I know I will.





What started out as the Thank-you year, has turned into the Thank-you 8 months. Lets see if I can make these last 2-1/2 months worth the read.




Good night and God bless....and thank you dad...for everything.

I know I have missed a few days...I was on a campout with my 6 year old.

We got to sleep on an aircraft carrier. It was awesome & more than a few times I thought, "Who would have brought him if Nov. 22 had ended differently?"

My dad is in no shape for it. Ashley would have been watching all 3 kids. Thanks, God, for giving ME this weekend with my son.

Tomorrow,  I hope to tell you about the food situation...it wasn't good.

BUT...on Sunday, I took over 25,000 steps. :)

Good night & God bless.