I have been talking mostly about myself and my life since November 22.
I mentioned Ashley & her reactions, and I have asked her to write a few of my entries.


What about my children? How have THEY been doing since my heart attack?


The easy one first.....my baby girl is too young to realize what happened. She knows dad is not at home tonight, and that is about as far as it goes. I love my girl, but the time that has passed since last November constitutes 1/3 of her life. Had things gone differently, she would have moved onto thinking life without a dad, or life with a new dad was normal.


My "combo kid" middle son realizes that dad was bad off, but I am not sure he understood at the time what it meant to have daddy be dead for 2 minutes. Hell, I am not sure I understand what it means even now. I think in the back of his mind, my son misses me more when I leave than he would have otherwise. I think he knows daddy could have "gone away", but at his age, I don't think the finality was QUITE there yet. That being said, I think he would have been sad for a VERY long time if I hadn't "made it." NOT because I am so great, but because he is.


My eldest...I have often thought about talking to him about what life would have been like...you know the old, "if this happens again & I don't make it" speech. Thing is...not only don't I WANT to have that talk, but I am not sure I'd HAVE to have that talk. I think my eldest would have jumped into "go" mode & he would have concentrated on helping mom-mom. Now, don't get me wrong, at 10 years old, he would have been heart broken. But, there is something about him that makes me believe he would have known what to do once the initial shock/heartbreak subsided. He would have filled some of the gaps I left open. He would have been just like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. That's just him.


What I told you to this point is what I THINK.


What I KNOW is this. I have 3 wonderful, loving, children. I have a wife who would be the glue that held a hurt family together.


Most importantly, I know this; I am a very lucky man, because I get to see all of them for at least one more day.


Lesson learned? Nah....just something I already knew BEFORE November 22, 2015.


Good night & God bless