Got to stop another medicine this week!!!
WOOT, woot!!!
Once the bottle runs out on the anti-platelet meds, I will be down to taking pills 2 times a day; much better than the 4 or 5 times a day I started with!
That's all for tonight.
Happy Halloween and God bless.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Today was a day of opposites.
We had the joy of our baby's 3rd birthday followed by the sadness of the loss of my wife's friend to Leukemia.
So, today itself was an opposite; the opposite of Nov. 22. That day started off with me going to the store for milk, followed by the sadness and fear of the heart attack, and then the joy of surevival.
Today DID start with me going to the store for milk, but similarities end there. From that point on, today was a 180 from Nov. 22.
So tO'Day, please pray for Ashley, and her friend's family as they deal with a loss we narrowly escaped not long ago.
Good night and God bless.
We had the joy of our baby's 3rd birthday followed by the sadness of the loss of my wife's friend to Leukemia.
So, today itself was an opposite; the opposite of Nov. 22. That day started off with me going to the store for milk, followed by the sadness and fear of the heart attack, and then the joy of surevival.
Today DID start with me going to the store for milk, but similarities end there. From that point on, today was a 180 from Nov. 22.
So tO'Day, please pray for Ashley, and her friend's family as they deal with a loss we narrowly escaped not long ago.
Good night and God bless.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
My baby turns 3 tomorrow, and how can I say this without sounding repetitive....
I can NOT believe how lucky I am to be here to see it.
I know I have said this about things that have already happened; Thanksgiving, Christmas, other birthdays, including my 47th...but it is no less appropriate, and no less a powerful feeling for me.
I am coming up on 1 year out, so, that means that I am still experiencing things "for the first time".
I am still in that place where I am experiencing things newly after my heart attack.
Next year, I will see my kids turn ANOTHER year older, I will TURN a year older, I will open another Christmas present, see another soccer game....but this year, I am still just experiencing these things as a newly minted "survivor". I will never experience things with that odd sense of finality again (if all goes well anyway).
I'll always have that extra bit of gratitude for being given the opportunity to experience EVERY day I have left, but firsts are always more special to us as humans; and I have had a whole year of nothing BUT firsts.
The next time I feel so honored to be given a second chance will be at some extra special occasion, a wedding, or a graduation. the kinds of things that only happen once in a lifetime anyhow. Those days will be extra special to me knowing what might have been. But birthdays, holidays and other annual things will likely become more "normal" as the years go on.
The year is coming to an end, and so is this iteration of this blog. That is a strange feeling for me. I am not sure what to do as the year concludes, but then again, I guess that will be just another "first" for me, won't it?
Good night & God bless.
I can NOT believe how lucky I am to be here to see it.
I know I have said this about things that have already happened; Thanksgiving, Christmas, other birthdays, including my 47th...but it is no less appropriate, and no less a powerful feeling for me.
I am coming up on 1 year out, so, that means that I am still experiencing things "for the first time".
I am still in that place where I am experiencing things newly after my heart attack.
Next year, I will see my kids turn ANOTHER year older, I will TURN a year older, I will open another Christmas present, see another soccer game....but this year, I am still just experiencing these things as a newly minted "survivor". I will never experience things with that odd sense of finality again (if all goes well anyway).
I'll always have that extra bit of gratitude for being given the opportunity to experience EVERY day I have left, but firsts are always more special to us as humans; and I have had a whole year of nothing BUT firsts.
The next time I feel so honored to be given a second chance will be at some extra special occasion, a wedding, or a graduation. the kinds of things that only happen once in a lifetime anyhow. Those days will be extra special to me knowing what might have been. But birthdays, holidays and other annual things will likely become more "normal" as the years go on.
The year is coming to an end, and so is this iteration of this blog. That is a strange feeling for me. I am not sure what to do as the year concludes, but then again, I guess that will be just another "first" for me, won't it?
Good night & God bless.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Hey guys.
Short one tonight.
On Wednesday, I had my latest cardiology appointment as you know.
Not only did it go well, but the cardiologist took me off of another medicine.
YES!!!!!
I will take Brelenta for three more weeks until my current refill is done, and then no more!
At that point, I will pretty well be 1 year out from the heart attack.
I know it may not seem like much, but that is two less pills a day, 1 less alarm to remindicate new to take meds, and $100 a month I get to keep.
Small steps in a year's worth of recovery leading to better health and fitness.
Good night and God bless.
Short one tonight.
On Wednesday, I had my latest cardiology appointment as you know.
Not only did it go well, but the cardiologist took me off of another medicine.
YES!!!!!
I will take Brelenta for three more weeks until my current refill is done, and then no more!
At that point, I will pretty well be 1 year out from the heart attack.
I know it may not seem like much, but that is two less pills a day, 1 less alarm to remindicate new to take meds, and $100 a month I get to keep.
Small steps in a year's worth of recovery leading to better health and fitness.
Good night and God bless.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Had my next appointment with my cardiologist today.
Had a bit of an epiphany today.
I realized that when you have had a major health problem, you become very one-dimensional.
Okay, Craig.....What does THAT mean? What "dimensions" are you talking about?
I mean that your sense of "healthy" becomes very one-dimensional.
As I said, I had my cardiologist appointment today, and it went well. He was happy with my progress. He felt I was continuing with a good solid recovery. As always, there is the question and answer period.
"How do you feel?"
"Any chest pain?"
"Do you have any questions?"
Well, I told him I felt fine, and I feel "pretty good, but..."
As you already know, I have felt a soreness in my chest for a few weeks now. It wasn't a heart attack, but I was sore....officially, I could say I had "chest pain."
I also have been having headaches and a VERY stuffed up nose.
...and back to the appointment......
The take your blood pressure, your pulse, your pulse oxygen. The doctor listens to your lungs (deep breath, and again, and again...). The doctor listens to your heart. Everything sounded fine.
The doctor looks at the EKG that the nurse took (BTW, those take all of 5 seconds). Everything looked fine.
"SO, doc...the pain, the soreness, is NOT my heart?"
"Nope." (Okay, so he didn't actually SAY, nope)
"Whew!" Since the pain was not my heart.....
.....all is okay.
Ummmmmm....wait, there is still a pain in my chest, headaches and hard breathing due to a clogged nose.
See, what I mean by one-dimensional is the feeling of total relief when I found out the symptoms were not my heart. That ONE fact made me feel all better.
But , here is the thing.....I STILL have symptoms, symptoms of SOMETHING.
It may be remnants of broken ribs form CPR, it may be a cold, it may be the fact that I have been lifting has made an old injury resurface; nothing.
BUT, here is the thing....as soon as I found out it was likely not my heart, I immediately said it was "nothing." I had no need to ask, "what would it be." I felt no need to find out more. I was satisfied that that ONE THING was okay.
Now...I don't want anyone to think I am all worked up about what it "might" be. No doctor, was overly worried, not my primary, not my cardiologist, not my physical therapist. It is likely the ribs from CPR.
The POINT is...yes, I promise, I have a point....as soon as that ONE dimension of my health as cleared, I was okay with it. I was fine once it was not my heart. Nothing else almost killed me, so nothing else is worth worrying about right now..............one dimensional.
There is no great lesson tonight, no heartfelt message. I just wanted you to know what is going through my mind lately.
Hope you all are doing well & know that I appreciate you all and the parts of YOUR lives that you share with me every time you sit down to read my work.
Good night & God bless.
Had a bit of an epiphany today.
I realized that when you have had a major health problem, you become very one-dimensional.
Okay, Craig.....What does THAT mean? What "dimensions" are you talking about?
I mean that your sense of "healthy" becomes very one-dimensional.
As I said, I had my cardiologist appointment today, and it went well. He was happy with my progress. He felt I was continuing with a good solid recovery. As always, there is the question and answer period.
"How do you feel?"
"Any chest pain?"
"Do you have any questions?"
Well, I told him I felt fine, and I feel "pretty good, but..."
As you already know, I have felt a soreness in my chest for a few weeks now. It wasn't a heart attack, but I was sore....officially, I could say I had "chest pain."
I also have been having headaches and a VERY stuffed up nose.
...and back to the appointment......
The take your blood pressure, your pulse, your pulse oxygen. The doctor listens to your lungs (deep breath, and again, and again...). The doctor listens to your heart. Everything sounded fine.
The doctor looks at the EKG that the nurse took (BTW, those take all of 5 seconds). Everything looked fine.
"SO, doc...the pain, the soreness, is NOT my heart?"
"Nope." (Okay, so he didn't actually SAY, nope)
"Whew!" Since the pain was not my heart.....
.....all is okay.
Ummmmmm....wait, there is still a pain in my chest, headaches and hard breathing due to a clogged nose.
See, what I mean by one-dimensional is the feeling of total relief when I found out the symptoms were not my heart. That ONE fact made me feel all better.
But , here is the thing.....I STILL have symptoms, symptoms of SOMETHING.
It may be remnants of broken ribs form CPR, it may be a cold, it may be the fact that I have been lifting has made an old injury resurface; nothing.
BUT, here is the thing....as soon as I found out it was likely not my heart, I immediately said it was "nothing." I had no need to ask, "what would it be." I felt no need to find out more. I was satisfied that that ONE THING was okay.
Now...I don't want anyone to think I am all worked up about what it "might" be. No doctor, was overly worried, not my primary, not my cardiologist, not my physical therapist. It is likely the ribs from CPR.
The POINT is...yes, I promise, I have a point....as soon as that ONE dimension of my health as cleared, I was okay with it. I was fine once it was not my heart. Nothing else almost killed me, so nothing else is worth worrying about right now..............one dimensional.
There is no great lesson tonight, no heartfelt message. I just wanted you to know what is going through my mind lately.
Hope you all are doing well & know that I appreciate you all and the parts of YOUR lives that you share with me every time you sit down to read my work.
Good night & God bless.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
I am excited, and I am nervous...tomorrow I see my cardiologist for the first time in 6 months.
The excitement comes form the fact that I get to find out how I am doing.
I mean, how am I doing from the eating standpoint?
How am I doing from the exercise standpoint.
And...by extension, how is my heart REALLY doing?
I mean, I can guess that I am doing fine. I can eat as well as I think I need to and believe I am doing the right things. Wednesday morning I'll know.
The nerves are being frayed because I will hear form the Dr. if I am doing the right things...
As you all know....all of you that have been reading and not falling asleep....I have ben hitting a bit of a plateau lately & workouts are getting to be a challenge.
Well, on Wednesday, I get to find out if my heart is the cause of that plateau or not. That is exciting, but also nerve racking. I mean, I am excited that I will not have to hope anymore, but I am also nervous because I may find out that I have been wrong and there is a blockage somewhere, or there is damage I didn't know about.
I am nervous that I will find out that I have been getting lazy and not paying enough attention to my diet and workouts; am I getting "complacent".
AND, I am nervous at what I might find out is the consequence of being complacent. Will I be told to cut out more kinds of food? Will I be told to be less active? Will I have to undergo some sort of procedure; an angioplasty, and angiogram, a bypass?
I know...I am being a bit over the top, but it all flows through your mind when you are seeing the Doctor for the first time in 6 months, and you are only 11 months from your heart attack.
Tomorrow is my last rehab session before my appointment....guess I'll have to make it count.
I'll let you know how it all goes later in the week.
Goo night & God bless.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
This has been an eventful 11 months.
Yep...believe it or not, yesterday was 11 months since my heart attack.
So, I have 1 more month to get to the last objective of this blog.
If you remember, I wanted to do a few things with this blog.
In general, this blog was my way of thanking everyone who helped save me, support me and help me get beyond my heart attack. I also wanted to help, to educate, to bring some inspiration to someone with my words.
Hopefully, I have somehow done those things by now.
What I still need to do, is raise some donations for the Forsyth County EMS.
I was going to try to get all fancy & hi-tech and create a "GoFundMe" page or do some sort of electronic donation thing. But, ya know, sometimes old school is the best.
I want to get some serious money to the Forsyth County EMS. I ALSO want everyone who donates to have a tax deduction (my own personal tax plan for you all, maybe I should run for president). GoFundMe does not offer the tax deductible donations.
Having said all of that, I am just gonna simply ask that anyone reading this send a donation made out to the Forsyth County EMS. Any amount will be appreciated and forwarded, $10, $20, $1.
You can send it to me at 5205 Smoky Ridge Ln., Winston-Salem, NC 27127.
If you don't want to do that, you can send it to them directly at:
911 East Fifth St., Winston-Salem, NC 27101
If you send it directly, please let me know what you sent via a comment on this board.
WHY? Because...
I am going to match any donations sent to me, or to the EMS by Dec. 31, 2016 directly because of this blog, up to $250. So, I need to know how much is sent to them.
Just so you have an idea of what this group is:
- They have transported 3 of the 5 members of this family to the hospital, one of us multiple times.
- They arrived in FOUR minutes when my wife called about my heart attack.
- From their web site, read their own words:
Our mission is to provide, “Compassion for people, Excellence in Service.”. Founded in 1968, Forsyth County Emergency Services (FCES) is the exclusive provider of 9-1-1 emergency services in Forsyth County, including the City of Winston-Salem. FCES strives to provide timely, efficient, appropriate and equitable care to all citizens and visitors of Forsyth County. From advanced call taking technology in our 9-1-1 center to our highly trained team of over 160 paramedics and EMTs, FCES provides advanced level care to all of our patients.
So, please, if you have found any value in what I have written in the last 11 months, help me say thank you to the Forsyth County EMS.
Well, that's it....that's my big pitch, my one ask. Thanks for your patience, and your love.
Good night & God bless.
Yep...believe it or not, yesterday was 11 months since my heart attack.
So, I have 1 more month to get to the last objective of this blog.
If you remember, I wanted to do a few things with this blog.
In general, this blog was my way of thanking everyone who helped save me, support me and help me get beyond my heart attack. I also wanted to help, to educate, to bring some inspiration to someone with my words.
Hopefully, I have somehow done those things by now.
What I still need to do, is raise some donations for the Forsyth County EMS.
I was going to try to get all fancy & hi-tech and create a "GoFundMe" page or do some sort of electronic donation thing. But, ya know, sometimes old school is the best.
I want to get some serious money to the Forsyth County EMS. I ALSO want everyone who donates to have a tax deduction (my own personal tax plan for you all, maybe I should run for president). GoFundMe does not offer the tax deductible donations.
Having said all of that, I am just gonna simply ask that anyone reading this send a donation made out to the Forsyth County EMS. Any amount will be appreciated and forwarded, $10, $20, $1.
You can send it to me at 5205 Smoky Ridge Ln., Winston-Salem, NC 27127.
If you don't want to do that, you can send it to them directly at:
911 East Fifth St., Winston-Salem, NC 27101
If you send it directly, please let me know what you sent via a comment on this board.
WHY? Because...
I am going to match any donations sent to me, or to the EMS by Dec. 31, 2016 directly because of this blog, up to $250. So, I need to know how much is sent to them.
Just so you have an idea of what this group is:
- They have transported 3 of the 5 members of this family to the hospital, one of us multiple times.
- They arrived in FOUR minutes when my wife called about my heart attack.
- From their web site, read their own words:
Our mission is to provide, “Compassion for people, Excellence in Service.”. Founded in 1968, Forsyth County Emergency Services (FCES) is the exclusive provider of 9-1-1 emergency services in Forsyth County, including the City of Winston-Salem. FCES strives to provide timely, efficient, appropriate and equitable care to all citizens and visitors of Forsyth County. From advanced call taking technology in our 9-1-1 center to our highly trained team of over 160 paramedics and EMTs, FCES provides advanced level care to all of our patients.
So, please, if you have found any value in what I have written in the last 11 months, help me say thank you to the Forsyth County EMS.
Well, that's it....that's my big pitch, my one ask. Thanks for your patience, and your love.
Good night & God bless.
Friday, October 21, 2016
Sorry gang....no words of wisdom tonight.
Got the kiddos to bed and minutes later, the only thing I could say was....
....ZZZZZZZZZZ.
Tomorrow we welcome email back my brother in law from his hitch in Turkey with the Air Force.
I'll post when we get home from there.
Good night (@1:30 am) and God bless (@ any hour of the day or night).
Got the kiddos to bed and minutes later, the only thing I could say was....
....ZZZZZZZZZZ.
Tomorrow we welcome email back my brother in law from his hitch in Turkey with the Air Force.
I'll post when we get home from there.
Good night (@1:30 am) and God bless (@ any hour of the day or night).
Thursday, October 20, 2016
My long ride home is over and I am so happy. I now get to be home for a week.
As far as this blog is concerned, that is best because I can get to rehab all week.
I am very good about working out on the road, but I feel so much more at ease when I go to rehab.
That is good because with my day off yesterday, and my ride today, I am 2 days without a run.
As far as I am concerned personally, this is good because....well pick a reason. I am home with my wife, my kids....our dog...
Either way, I AM home. It always helps my heart to be home.
No exciting discourse tonight. No "lesson learned." I am just gonna sit here and enjoy being home.......'cause I can....'cause I didn't die.
Good night and God bless.
As far as this blog is concerned, that is best because I can get to rehab all week.
I am very good about working out on the road, but I feel so much more at ease when I go to rehab.
That is good because with my day off yesterday, and my ride today, I am 2 days without a run.
As far as I am concerned personally, this is good because....well pick a reason. I am home with my wife, my kids....our dog...
Either way, I AM home. It always helps my heart to be home.
No exciting discourse tonight. No "lesson learned." I am just gonna sit here and enjoy being home.......'cause I can....'cause I didn't die.
Good night and God bless.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Took the day off today; not from work, obviously not from my blog, from working out.
I have been pretty adamantly consistent about working out ever since I started rehab on December 17th. I can't think of a week where I didn't work out at least 3 times a week...even the week of June 4.
As I have been traveling to Atlanta, I have almost always worked out somehow all 3 nights on the road. Being alone on the road, actually makes it a little easier, since I can't really DO much of anything else; no kids to play with, no lunches to help make, no dishes or laundry (that will be there when I get home).
But...today...I just needed a day off. There isn't any good or bad in that alone. Not great disappointment for needing a rest, no great sense of pride for having the "courage" to give myself a rest. Nope, nothing like that.
I have worked hard for the last 10 months and I just needed a rest.
Now, what DOES give me a sense of satisfaction is WHY I "just needed a day off."
It wasn't my heart...and I mean both my heart in the sense of the muscle sitting in the middle of my chest, and my "heart" that rests squarely in my mind and my soul. My heart was not the issue, it was my muscles and, even more intensely, my joints.
My ankles, my knees and even my hips were yelling at me that they needed a break.
Well, ACTUALLY, they were screaming that they wanted new shoes, but I think they are just being spoiled there...
I am glad that my heart did not jump up & yell at me...again...
I am glad that, while I am not happy with the plateau I seem to have hit, that I do not feel like I have back-slid any by resting.
Tomorrow, I get to go home to my family, my strength. Hopefully, tonight's little break will ensure I get there loaded with the energy I will need to show them how much I love them, and show them how lucky I know I have been on 5 days in my life; 1 wedding day, 3 dates of birth, and 1 REbirthday.
Good night & God bless.
I have been pretty adamantly consistent about working out ever since I started rehab on December 17th. I can't think of a week where I didn't work out at least 3 times a week...even the week of June 4.
As I have been traveling to Atlanta, I have almost always worked out somehow all 3 nights on the road. Being alone on the road, actually makes it a little easier, since I can't really DO much of anything else; no kids to play with, no lunches to help make, no dishes or laundry (that will be there when I get home).
But...today...I just needed a day off. There isn't any good or bad in that alone. Not great disappointment for needing a rest, no great sense of pride for having the "courage" to give myself a rest. Nope, nothing like that.
I have worked hard for the last 10 months and I just needed a rest.
Now, what DOES give me a sense of satisfaction is WHY I "just needed a day off."
It wasn't my heart...and I mean both my heart in the sense of the muscle sitting in the middle of my chest, and my "heart" that rests squarely in my mind and my soul. My heart was not the issue, it was my muscles and, even more intensely, my joints.
My ankles, my knees and even my hips were yelling at me that they needed a break.
Well, ACTUALLY, they were screaming that they wanted new shoes, but I think they are just being spoiled there...
I am glad that my heart did not jump up & yell at me...again...
I am glad that, while I am not happy with the plateau I seem to have hit, that I do not feel like I have back-slid any by resting.
Tomorrow, I get to go home to my family, my strength. Hopefully, tonight's little break will ensure I get there loaded with the energy I will need to show them how much I love them, and show them how lucky I know I have been on 5 days in my life; 1 wedding day, 3 dates of birth, and 1 REbirthday.
Good night & God bless.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
It is 4 days until I am 11 months away from my heart attack.
This is my 140th post.
We have discussed the events that lead to my heart attack. We discussed the event itself.
You have read about my early days of recovery & the fear if the unknown; my false alarm & return to the hospital.
I am sore and tired tonight. I am actually getting comfortable enough that I am pushing my body. I think I am sore because I am exercising enough that it is making me sore in only that way that a big workout can.
Don't get me wrong, I still panic a little when I get any kind of funny feeling in my chest. Any twinge, any pressure, any odd sensation in my heart results in some sort of doctor visit most of the time.
But, even with that, I am trying to push a little harder this week than I did last week.
I am feeling okay, but I will tell you that I am looking forward to my appointment with my Cardiologist. I still need to hear him tell me that my heart is acting normally; I need that reassurance.
In about 7 days, you'll hear all about my visit to the doctor and any test results.
Good night & God bless.
This is my 140th post.
We have discussed the events that lead to my heart attack. We discussed the event itself.
You have read about my early days of recovery & the fear if the unknown; my false alarm & return to the hospital.
I am sore and tired tonight. I am actually getting comfortable enough that I am pushing my body. I think I am sore because I am exercising enough that it is making me sore in only that way that a big workout can.
Don't get me wrong, I still panic a little when I get any kind of funny feeling in my chest. Any twinge, any pressure, any odd sensation in my heart results in some sort of doctor visit most of the time.
But, even with that, I am trying to push a little harder this week than I did last week.
I am feeling okay, but I will tell you that I am looking forward to my appointment with my Cardiologist. I still need to hear him tell me that my heart is acting normally; I need that reassurance.
In about 7 days, you'll hear all about my visit to the doctor and any test results.
Good night & God bless.
Monday, October 17, 2016
I have been talking mostly about myself and my life since November 22.
I mentioned Ashley & her reactions, and I have asked her to write a few of my entries.
What about my children? How have THEY been doing since my heart attack?
The easy one first.....my baby girl is too young to realize what happened. She knows dad is not at home tonight, and that is about as far as it goes. I love my girl, but the time that has passed since last November constitutes 1/3 of her life. Had things gone differently, she would have moved onto thinking life without a dad, or life with a new dad was normal.
My "combo kid" middle son realizes that dad was bad off, but I am not sure he understood at the time what it meant to have daddy be dead for 2 minutes. Hell, I am not sure I understand what it means even now. I think in the back of his mind, my son misses me more when I leave than he would have otherwise. I think he knows daddy could have "gone away", but at his age, I don't think the finality was QUITE there yet. That being said, I think he would have been sad for a VERY long time if I hadn't "made it." NOT because I am so great, but because he is.
My eldest...I have often thought about talking to him about what life would have been like...you know the old, "if this happens again & I don't make it" speech. Thing is...not only don't I WANT to have that talk, but I am not sure I'd HAVE to have that talk. I think my eldest would have jumped into "go" mode & he would have concentrated on helping mom-mom. Now, don't get me wrong, at 10 years old, he would have been heart broken. But, there is something about him that makes me believe he would have known what to do once the initial shock/heartbreak subsided. He would have filled some of the gaps I left open. He would have been just like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. That's just him.
What I told you to this point is what I THINK.
What I KNOW is this. I have 3 wonderful, loving, children. I have a wife who would be the glue that held a hurt family together.
Most importantly, I know this; I am a very lucky man, because I get to see all of them for at least one more day.
Lesson learned? Nah....just something I already knew BEFORE November 22, 2015.
Good night & God bless
I mentioned Ashley & her reactions, and I have asked her to write a few of my entries.
What about my children? How have THEY been doing since my heart attack?
The easy one first.....my baby girl is too young to realize what happened. She knows dad is not at home tonight, and that is about as far as it goes. I love my girl, but the time that has passed since last November constitutes 1/3 of her life. Had things gone differently, she would have moved onto thinking life without a dad, or life with a new dad was normal.
My "combo kid" middle son realizes that dad was bad off, but I am not sure he understood at the time what it meant to have daddy be dead for 2 minutes. Hell, I am not sure I understand what it means even now. I think in the back of his mind, my son misses me more when I leave than he would have otherwise. I think he knows daddy could have "gone away", but at his age, I don't think the finality was QUITE there yet. That being said, I think he would have been sad for a VERY long time if I hadn't "made it." NOT because I am so great, but because he is.
My eldest...I have often thought about talking to him about what life would have been like...you know the old, "if this happens again & I don't make it" speech. Thing is...not only don't I WANT to have that talk, but I am not sure I'd HAVE to have that talk. I think my eldest would have jumped into "go" mode & he would have concentrated on helping mom-mom. Now, don't get me wrong, at 10 years old, he would have been heart broken. But, there is something about him that makes me believe he would have known what to do once the initial shock/heartbreak subsided. He would have filled some of the gaps I left open. He would have been just like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. That's just him.
What I told you to this point is what I THINK.
What I KNOW is this. I have 3 wonderful, loving, children. I have a wife who would be the glue that held a hurt family together.
Most importantly, I know this; I am a very lucky man, because I get to see all of them for at least one more day.
Lesson learned? Nah....just something I already knew BEFORE November 22, 2015.
Good night & God bless
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Early t9 bed and early to rise...
...means Craig has to travel tomorrow morning.
That also means Sunday was spent getting READY to 9 travel; confirm the hotel, pack, get a rental car (Atlanta is easier to drive to than fly to)....and kiss Ashley and the kids a thousand times.
I need to go, work pays the bills.
However, part of my heart dies each time I have to leave.
Days like today make me forget about last November and make me think only about next Thursday when I get to come home.
At the same time, days like this bring November to the top of my mind when I ask myself if this is really how I want to spend the extra days God has given me.
How SHOULD I spend my days here on Earth? I don't want to be away from Ashley & the kids but I can't just sit in a room and hold them forever either. Life has to happen; good days and bad. But, given that how do we make the final score be in our favor?
When I figure it out, I'll post an answer (don't hold your breath).
If anyone has any suggestions, post them or drop a comment. I'm sure we'd all like to know.
Did I mention, "early to bed?"
Good night and God bless.
...means Craig has to travel tomorrow morning.
That also means Sunday was spent getting READY to 9 travel; confirm the hotel, pack, get a rental car (Atlanta is easier to drive to than fly to)....and kiss Ashley and the kids a thousand times.
I need to go, work pays the bills.
However, part of my heart dies each time I have to leave.
Days like today make me forget about last November and make me think only about next Thursday when I get to come home.
At the same time, days like this bring November to the top of my mind when I ask myself if this is really how I want to spend the extra days God has given me.
How SHOULD I spend my days here on Earth? I don't want to be away from Ashley & the kids but I can't just sit in a room and hold them forever either. Life has to happen; good days and bad. But, given that how do we make the final score be in our favor?
When I figure it out, I'll post an answer (don't hold your breath).
If anyone has any suggestions, post them or drop a comment. I'm sure we'd all like to know.
Did I mention, "early to bed?"
Good night and God bless.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
After 3 birthday parties, 2 soccer games, and a wife who is out of town (yep...it fits to the song), I have been a LITTLE busy today, and I am tired.
But...I promised a short story about tearing up yesterday, so here we go.
An older gentleman at rehab made me tear up. No, he didn't remind me of dad. He didn't make me sad. He gave me a tear and he humbled me.
I was using the elliptical machine. All he did was walk past and point at me....and he said, "You're an inspiration."
TO ME, he said that to ME. Wow. Me, I was inspiring him. Here is someone who has gone through mich more of life's journey than I have, someone who has dealt with trials I am sure I have yet to suffer, and he finds strength in watching me.
Now, don't get me wrong, being the youngest person in rehab, I can push harder than most. And many folks have made comment as to how hard I am working. One fellow keeps telling me.I will break the machine, almost daily. I am.sort of a novelty.
But this, this was different. The man yesterday actually looks up to me and finds inspiration. That blew me away.
I really did not know how to respond. I mean I said thank you, but that seemed inadequate. So, I have been thinking about how I could "respond."
I think I figured out how to say thanks; by showing what an inspiration HE now is to me.
See, with that tiny gesture, he just made me realize that eyes are on me in that facility and that I need to keep up my intensity....every session.
See, if someone, ANYONE is looking up to me, I have to be worth looking up to.
As you know, the last little while has been hard and my intensity level has suffered a bit. Now I know that I can not let that happen. I have to keep pushing, and keep improving and actually BE the inspiration the man sees in me.
Today's lesson learned:
If you see someone as an inspiration, tell them. At the least you will make their day. If you are lucky, you will push them to be even better than they already are...
Good night and God bless.l
Friday, October 14, 2016
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Craig asked me to guest write tonight...so I will try to do his blog justice.
The transition to my new job has had some bumps to say the least. Some days I have wondered if I was still having the kind of impact I had previously. I was concerned with figuring out a new documentation system, working with new colleagues and making sure everything I did was "perfect". With a new program in the works, I would settle for nothing less than perfection. I, however, had to figure out how to get to perfection in 40 hours a week...add a little more stress to my already somewhat uncomfortable transition! See, while most jobs (especially one like athletic training) don't care how many hours you work (when you are salaried), my contract stipulates that I will stay at 40 hours a week. This means, during any given week, that I should not go over by any significant amount NOR should I be under by any significant amount-- easy, right?!?!?!? Well, not so much...what about games that go into overtime or an injury that requires to you stay late to performed continued evaluation and talking to parents? Those things are not in the "normal" work week!
In addition, my children are missing having me around. While I certainly need to be employed, we had a lot more of the "prime family time" (3 to 7 or 8 in the evening) when I was not working in a full time position. Then I started to wonder...have I done the right thing? Should I have taken the job? What about my pre-teen who is begging for time with me? My amazing middle child who is not going to make waves, but who secretly misses me? Our sweet little girl who shows that she misses me by INSISTING on ending up in our bed (and directly on top of me) every night? Then there is the fact that Craig is back on the road for work...it is a never ending cycle of who gets time with whom.
Anyway, I had and continue to have a lot of worries about this new position and what my impact will be and then...tonight happened. Here is the story:
While covering an away JV football game, this young man came up and began talking with me and says, "Momma, are you riding the bus home with us?" to which I answered, "No. You know that I drive to games in case I need to be more flexible", etc. He then asked if he could ride with me "because the bus is awful". To which I also had to answer in the negative. BUT, we are missing the point-- he called me "Momma"-- ME! The woman who is struggling to find her place in this new position! You see, this young man is the son of a college classmate of mine and as soon as he discovered this a couple of weeks ago, I became special to him...he felt like he could relate to me because his mom and I had a connection. He is a great young man who is sweet and kind, but he had no reason to connect with me-- he hasn't been injured and I did not know him before sometime after September 1. Here is a child on whom I have had an impact! YAY! Here is the thing...in all of the ancillary crap, I had forgotten that this young man has put enough trust, faith and respect in me to call me "momma". He has told others (it doesn't matter who it is) that I am his second mom...I don't know that I deserve the distinction, but I really appreciate it! I don't feel like I have done anything particularly out of the ordinary for this boy, but he knows I care and that if he needed me, I would be right there to take care of him.
So, as I sit here reflecting on my evening, I cannot believe that I had so little faith as to think that I would not have an impact! Here is the pearl of wisdom- Don't lose sight of the amazing things by getting mired in the mundane. Now, go out and be somebody's "momma"!
Good night and God bless!
The transition to my new job has had some bumps to say the least. Some days I have wondered if I was still having the kind of impact I had previously. I was concerned with figuring out a new documentation system, working with new colleagues and making sure everything I did was "perfect". With a new program in the works, I would settle for nothing less than perfection. I, however, had to figure out how to get to perfection in 40 hours a week...add a little more stress to my already somewhat uncomfortable transition! See, while most jobs (especially one like athletic training) don't care how many hours you work (when you are salaried), my contract stipulates that I will stay at 40 hours a week. This means, during any given week, that I should not go over by any significant amount NOR should I be under by any significant amount-- easy, right?!?!?!? Well, not so much...what about games that go into overtime or an injury that requires to you stay late to performed continued evaluation and talking to parents? Those things are not in the "normal" work week!
In addition, my children are missing having me around. While I certainly need to be employed, we had a lot more of the "prime family time" (3 to 7 or 8 in the evening) when I was not working in a full time position. Then I started to wonder...have I done the right thing? Should I have taken the job? What about my pre-teen who is begging for time with me? My amazing middle child who is not going to make waves, but who secretly misses me? Our sweet little girl who shows that she misses me by INSISTING on ending up in our bed (and directly on top of me) every night? Then there is the fact that Craig is back on the road for work...it is a never ending cycle of who gets time with whom.
Anyway, I had and continue to have a lot of worries about this new position and what my impact will be and then...tonight happened. Here is the story:
While covering an away JV football game, this young man came up and began talking with me and says, "Momma, are you riding the bus home with us?" to which I answered, "No. You know that I drive to games in case I need to be more flexible", etc. He then asked if he could ride with me "because the bus is awful". To which I also had to answer in the negative. BUT, we are missing the point-- he called me "Momma"-- ME! The woman who is struggling to find her place in this new position! You see, this young man is the son of a college classmate of mine and as soon as he discovered this a couple of weeks ago, I became special to him...he felt like he could relate to me because his mom and I had a connection. He is a great young man who is sweet and kind, but he had no reason to connect with me-- he hasn't been injured and I did not know him before sometime after September 1. Here is a child on whom I have had an impact! YAY! Here is the thing...in all of the ancillary crap, I had forgotten that this young man has put enough trust, faith and respect in me to call me "momma". He has told others (it doesn't matter who it is) that I am his second mom...I don't know that I deserve the distinction, but I really appreciate it! I don't feel like I have done anything particularly out of the ordinary for this boy, but he knows I care and that if he needed me, I would be right there to take care of him.
So, as I sit here reflecting on my evening, I cannot believe that I had so little faith as to think that I would not have an impact! Here is the pearl of wisdom- Don't lose sight of the amazing things by getting mired in the mundane. Now, go out and be somebody's "momma"!
Good night and God bless!
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Today is not about me. It is about a friend who lost her mother just a few days ago.
Katrina, one of our bride's maids, the woman who was there when Ashley & I met, lost her mom the other day.
She could use some prayers. SO, if you were someone who was saying a prayer for me every once in a while, please use the next one for her.
I met Katrina's mom & I can tell you there were few people in this world with more life in them and more "spit and vinegar". Like most, I am sure we will remember her through rose colored glasses; the good is a little better than it really was and the bad will probably be minimized. But....even accounting for that, I can tell you that the world is a little less fun today without her mother around.
Katrina needs prayers as anyone would who lost a parent, but Katrina is special in her own right & she has one of the healthiest attitudes of anyone I have ever met who lost a parent.
I got to visit her the other day & when she looked at me and said, "Mom is in a better place" she wasn't just saying it....she BLIEVED it, she just KNEW it.
Katrina showed me true faith that day....if she never reads this blog, she may never know that, but she showed me what true, honest faith is. For that reason, if anyone needs a prayer, it is her.....she would know more than most that it would be heard.
Good night & God bless.
Katrina, one of our bride's maids, the woman who was there when Ashley & I met, lost her mom the other day.
She could use some prayers. SO, if you were someone who was saying a prayer for me every once in a while, please use the next one for her.
I met Katrina's mom & I can tell you there were few people in this world with more life in them and more "spit and vinegar". Like most, I am sure we will remember her through rose colored glasses; the good is a little better than it really was and the bad will probably be minimized. But....even accounting for that, I can tell you that the world is a little less fun today without her mother around.
Katrina needs prayers as anyone would who lost a parent, but Katrina is special in her own right & she has one of the healthiest attitudes of anyone I have ever met who lost a parent.
I got to visit her the other day & when she looked at me and said, "Mom is in a better place" she wasn't just saying it....she BLIEVED it, she just KNEW it.
Katrina showed me true faith that day....if she never reads this blog, she may never know that, but she showed me what true, honest faith is. For that reason, if anyone needs a prayer, it is her.....she would know more than most that it would be heard.
Good night & God bless.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
If you have been reading this, you are a glutton for punishment....no wait...
If you have been reading this, you know it has been a tough few months for me (AND you are a glutton for punishment).
I have seen a number of friends experience some serious loss. I have had doubts about how well I am doing on keeping my heart healthy. I have lost my father.
After I took some time off from this blog, I came back to it & I have been talking about my woes and my worries since.
Well, tonight I need to talk about something else; actually, someONE else...my friend, my partner, my wife.
Through all of this, she has of course had her own trials; a new job, my increased travels, and her own heartache over losing my dad. Yet, through it all, she has been there as my crutch.
Sometimes that means holding me so I can cry. Sometimes it means telling me to grow up & STOP crying. Sometimes it just means letting me know that I was not alone...even in silence.
I may not always like what she has to say when she says it; "No, you can't have any of those."
I am not going to tell you that I realize now it was only for my own good.....that is a little to cliché even for ME.
I WILL tell you that if not for my wife, I would not be nearly as well off as I am now. I can't take care of myself...not like she can. Even now, I still call her to ask her if I can have certain things to eat. I still look to her to remind me that I need to work out even when I am not at rehab. I STILL tell her every time I "cheat" a little....just so I know my guardian angel has all of the facts. Well, okay, MAAAAYYYYBE it is more to control the guilt of cheating.
I don't call her my love any more....I just skip all of that and call her "My Heart".
I have not given her enough consideration before in this blog. So I hope that today's post gives you a small idea of how important she is to me; not just form an emotional standpoint of loving her so much, but form the standpoint of needing someone to keep me in line, someone to watch over me, and someone to help me make good decisions.
A friend, a lover, a COACH, and angel....in short....My Heart.
To Ashley, thanks. I do love you so much.
To the rest of you, good night & God bless.
If you have been reading this, you know it has been a tough few months for me (AND you are a glutton for punishment).
I have seen a number of friends experience some serious loss. I have had doubts about how well I am doing on keeping my heart healthy. I have lost my father.
After I took some time off from this blog, I came back to it & I have been talking about my woes and my worries since.
Well, tonight I need to talk about something else; actually, someONE else...my friend, my partner, my wife.
Through all of this, she has of course had her own trials; a new job, my increased travels, and her own heartache over losing my dad. Yet, through it all, she has been there as my crutch.
Sometimes that means holding me so I can cry. Sometimes it means telling me to grow up & STOP crying. Sometimes it just means letting me know that I was not alone...even in silence.
I may not always like what she has to say when she says it; "No, you can't have any of those."
I am not going to tell you that I realize now it was only for my own good.....that is a little to cliché even for ME.
I WILL tell you that if not for my wife, I would not be nearly as well off as I am now. I can't take care of myself...not like she can. Even now, I still call her to ask her if I can have certain things to eat. I still look to her to remind me that I need to work out even when I am not at rehab. I STILL tell her every time I "cheat" a little....just so I know my guardian angel has all of the facts. Well, okay, MAAAAYYYYBE it is more to control the guilt of cheating.
I don't call her my love any more....I just skip all of that and call her "My Heart".
I have not given her enough consideration before in this blog. So I hope that today's post gives you a small idea of how important she is to me; not just form an emotional standpoint of loving her so much, but form the standpoint of needing someone to keep me in line, someone to watch over me, and someone to help me make good decisions.
A friend, a lover, a COACH, and angel....in short....My Heart.
To Ashley, thanks. I do love you so much.
To the rest of you, good night & God bless.
Monday, October 10, 2016
The last little while has been interesting. Not good, or bad per se, just interesting.....in a sort of usual sort of way.
If you remember, I have had a goal of getting a 5K run completed in less than 30 minutes.
I am doing this in an effort to get ready to do a sprint triathlon next year.
So far I am doing okay. I figure I should finish in less than 2 hours.
Now, what make the last little while interesting is that I have hit a plateau. I seem to be stuck...
I was getting better and better & I was feeling pretty bullet proof. Suddenly, I have gotten to the point where workouts are challenging again & I have stopped getting any faster.
Normally, it would just be time to switch up the old workout. Get some new energy in the old brain & move along. Only this is not a normal workout or a normal situation.
See, now that I have become "a survivor" the fact that things have gotten hard is scary.
WHY did it get hard to work out again? WHAT is causing that? WHAT do I do? What DID I do?
Most folks would just figure they hit a peak, or needed a break, but when you are within a year of a heart attack, you tend to make everything revert back to that. So you start to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE you have gotten a new clog somewhere. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, you pushed too hard and your heart is paying you back for it.
Do I go to the Dr? Do I ignore it & "See what happens"?
Until something starts to hut, I think I am going to keep up the workouts, let the folks at rehab know I am worried & See what they say.
Good night & God bless.
If you remember, I have had a goal of getting a 5K run completed in less than 30 minutes.
I am doing this in an effort to get ready to do a sprint triathlon next year.
So far I am doing okay. I figure I should finish in less than 2 hours.
Now, what make the last little while interesting is that I have hit a plateau. I seem to be stuck...
I was getting better and better & I was feeling pretty bullet proof. Suddenly, I have gotten to the point where workouts are challenging again & I have stopped getting any faster.
Normally, it would just be time to switch up the old workout. Get some new energy in the old brain & move along. Only this is not a normal workout or a normal situation.
See, now that I have become "a survivor" the fact that things have gotten hard is scary.
WHY did it get hard to work out again? WHAT is causing that? WHAT do I do? What DID I do?
Most folks would just figure they hit a peak, or needed a break, but when you are within a year of a heart attack, you tend to make everything revert back to that. So you start to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE you have gotten a new clog somewhere. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, you pushed too hard and your heart is paying you back for it.
Do I go to the Dr? Do I ignore it & "See what happens"?
Until something starts to hut, I think I am going to keep up the workouts, let the folks at rehab know I am worried & See what they say.
Good night & God bless.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
My daughter asked me to show her a picture of Grandpa today.
I don't know why she asked me for that, but she did, so I found some.
What I found were the last 3 pictures I took of my dad.
Me and dad together...yep, MY dad in selfies....and a picture of him asleep in his recliner.
Now, I don't mean to dwell on my dad's passing.....that is not what this blog is about.
It is jus that having dad pass on so close to my own near death experience gives me plenty of opportunities to draw parallels.
In this case, finding the last picture I ever will take with my dad made me think; had November gone differently, what pictures would people be looking at when they saw their last pictures of me?
What "legacy" would I have left behind in the form of photographs?
The picture of dad was one of a guy with little hair (NOT my dad) and a big smile (DEFINITELY my dad). Do most people have pictures of me smiling or scowling? Am I ducking out of the way, or am I mugging for the camera?
What man would people see through the last pictures they had of me?
What man do I WANT people to see through my last pictures?
Whatever they see, I'd like folks to smile when they look back through pictures of me.
I'd like folks to see a man they remember as giving more to the world than he took away.
But...when it is all said and done, whatever man they see, I hope the one thing everyone can say is....
"Yep, THAT'S the Craig I remember."
Good night & God bless.
I don't know why she asked me for that, but she did, so I found some.
What I found were the last 3 pictures I took of my dad.
Me and dad together...yep, MY dad in selfies....and a picture of him asleep in his recliner.
Now, I don't mean to dwell on my dad's passing.....that is not what this blog is about.
It is jus that having dad pass on so close to my own near death experience gives me plenty of opportunities to draw parallels.
In this case, finding the last picture I ever will take with my dad made me think; had November gone differently, what pictures would people be looking at when they saw their last pictures of me?
What "legacy" would I have left behind in the form of photographs?
The picture of dad was one of a guy with little hair (NOT my dad) and a big smile (DEFINITELY my dad). Do most people have pictures of me smiling or scowling? Am I ducking out of the way, or am I mugging for the camera?
What man would people see through the last pictures they had of me?
What man do I WANT people to see through my last pictures?
Whatever they see, I'd like folks to smile when they look back through pictures of me.
I'd like folks to see a man they remember as giving more to the world than he took away.
But...when it is all said and done, whatever man they see, I hope the one thing everyone can say is....
"Yep, THAT'S the Craig I remember."
Good night & God bless.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
Saturday night is here & how well it goes depends on Monday morning.
Wait...WHAT? Today depends on tomorrow? What the heck?
Well, yeah....how tonight & tomorrow go depends on whether or not I have to travel out of town on Monday.
If I am travelling on Monday, tonight & most of tomorrow will be filled with sad faces and lot's of, "I wish you could stay."
If I get to work from home Monday, tonight & most of tomorrow will be filled with , "yay! We get to have daddy home this week!"
Funny part is that none of this would have meant diddly-doo if November 22 had gone differently. Had I passed, how would Saturday nights have gone since that day? Would there be ANY cheers? How long would it have taken for tears to be eliminated from the night?
The more I learn about my situation, the more I realize how differently tonight might have gone. What if I stayed alive, but with a badly damaged heart so that I couldn't go to LASER tag with my boys today? What if I had suffered enough brain damage (no jokes Darryl Z) that work was no longer an option? Sure, I wouldn't have to travel, but how much would that matter?
Maybe I should be HAPPY that I have to travel for work right now, because maybe I should be happy that I CAN travel for work; or happy that I can work at all.
Every since I married Ashley Noble, I knew I was one lucky guy. Ever since I saw each of my children for the first time, I knew I was ONE LUCKY SON-OF-A....
Money is tight with 3 kids, cars need new tires, the refrigerator is not making ice, the grass needs LOTS of help & we still have 2 houses to pay for.....life is tough at times....
....aren't I lucky that I get to be part of life being tough right now?
What?...
Oh....
Yep, I get to be home this week coming up.
YES! Did I mention that I am lucky?
Good night & God bless.
Wait...WHAT? Today depends on tomorrow? What the heck?
Well, yeah....how tonight & tomorrow go depends on whether or not I have to travel out of town on Monday.
If I am travelling on Monday, tonight & most of tomorrow will be filled with sad faces and lot's of, "I wish you could stay."
If I get to work from home Monday, tonight & most of tomorrow will be filled with , "yay! We get to have daddy home this week!"
Funny part is that none of this would have meant diddly-doo if November 22 had gone differently. Had I passed, how would Saturday nights have gone since that day? Would there be ANY cheers? How long would it have taken for tears to be eliminated from the night?
The more I learn about my situation, the more I realize how differently tonight might have gone. What if I stayed alive, but with a badly damaged heart so that I couldn't go to LASER tag with my boys today? What if I had suffered enough brain damage (no jokes Darryl Z) that work was no longer an option? Sure, I wouldn't have to travel, but how much would that matter?
Maybe I should be HAPPY that I have to travel for work right now, because maybe I should be happy that I CAN travel for work; or happy that I can work at all.
Every since I married Ashley Noble, I knew I was one lucky guy. Ever since I saw each of my children for the first time, I knew I was ONE LUCKY SON-OF-A....
Money is tight with 3 kids, cars need new tires, the refrigerator is not making ice, the grass needs LOTS of help & we still have 2 houses to pay for.....life is tough at times....
....aren't I lucky that I get to be part of life being tough right now?
What?...
Oh....
Yep, I get to be home this week coming up.
YES! Did I mention that I am lucky?
Good night & God bless.
Friday, October 7, 2016
Ahhh Friday evenings...
So calm...so smooth...so much for THAT line of BS.
My kids are all so full of energy & Friday nights it all comes to the surface. Ashley's work usually keeps her out. SO, it is up to me to keep these little ones fed and "under control". HA!
But, ya know, I wouldn't have it an other way. After being away from the family for 4 days, I am ready to be immersed in my kids lives. Don't get me wrong, when it is time, I am ready for them to go to bed. But until then....I am all theirs.
The only hard part of Friday nights is, well, there are THREE of them and ONE of me.
I know I have talked about this before, but man is it ever tough to be active with 3 kids; good heart or bad.
To that end, I need to keep my energy as high as I can. So, you'll be happy to know that I have been keeping my fitness regimen religiously and I have been continuing to eat right.....well eat right MOST of the time.
I continue to hit the gym 3-4 days a week. A run on the treadmill, and some strength training.
As for the eating...
Now that I am 10+ months out, I have relaxed my eating habits a little. A cookie here, an ice cream there; I have let myself loose a little. I continue with a glass of wine most nights and I LOVE Mini Wheats for breakfast and snacks (they are fat, sodium and cholesterol free).
I am glad to say I am still about 145 lbs. or so & my last blood test came back with great numbers. The best number was my cholesterol (the root of my original problem). It was up from the low of 112 to 120. A bit sad that it went up, but almost ALL of the rise was in my "good cholesterol", my HDL. That is where you WANT the number to rise.
It seems like I am doing what I need to do so that my kids and my wife will have MANY years of knowing how much they mean to me......I sure hope I am anyway.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Good night and God bless.
So calm...so smooth...so much for THAT line of BS.
My kids are all so full of energy & Friday nights it all comes to the surface. Ashley's work usually keeps her out. SO, it is up to me to keep these little ones fed and "under control". HA!
But, ya know, I wouldn't have it an other way. After being away from the family for 4 days, I am ready to be immersed in my kids lives. Don't get me wrong, when it is time, I am ready for them to go to bed. But until then....I am all theirs.
The only hard part of Friday nights is, well, there are THREE of them and ONE of me.
I know I have talked about this before, but man is it ever tough to be active with 3 kids; good heart or bad.
To that end, I need to keep my energy as high as I can. So, you'll be happy to know that I have been keeping my fitness regimen religiously and I have been continuing to eat right.....well eat right MOST of the time.
I continue to hit the gym 3-4 days a week. A run on the treadmill, and some strength training.
As for the eating...
Now that I am 10+ months out, I have relaxed my eating habits a little. A cookie here, an ice cream there; I have let myself loose a little. I continue with a glass of wine most nights and I LOVE Mini Wheats for breakfast and snacks (they are fat, sodium and cholesterol free).
I am glad to say I am still about 145 lbs. or so & my last blood test came back with great numbers. The best number was my cholesterol (the root of my original problem). It was up from the low of 112 to 120. A bit sad that it went up, but almost ALL of the rise was in my "good cholesterol", my HDL. That is where you WANT the number to rise.
It seems like I am doing what I need to do so that my kids and my wife will have MANY years of knowing how much they mean to me......I sure hope I am anyway.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Good night and God bless.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Day 2 of the rest of this blog, and I am going to start with the Lesson Learned...
...The Doobie Brothers got it right...Music IS the Doctor (track from their Cycles album).
The last 2 days have been better because of music. Music from the Doobies, Billy Joel, James Taylor, Boston....anyone I find uplifting.
At work and during my workout, I just wanted to pack it in for the day and sleep.....the music kept me going and even got me to play some air drums....AT WORK! It also gave me the push to get 8 miles in 30 minutes on the stationary bike .
It has been a hard few months. But somehow, even after the crappy few months I have had, I found myself walking back to my hotel, snapping my fingers and singing my own version of karaoke.
..ahhhhhhh Music...
Yep, music always HAS brought me joy and it is when I forgot that fact that I feel sad. When I remember to let music work it's magic on my heart, I instantly feel better.
So, yes, we learned that the Doobie brothers are pretty smart. But, we learned something else today too....we should all learn what brings us joy and keep it a part of our life EVERY DAY! That way, you know that EVERY DAY has a least a little joy in it....no matter how much the rest of the day stunk.
That's it for tonight, come back tomorrow and you MIGHT just get to see an actual, real picture of my heart.
Good night & God bless
...The Doobie Brothers got it right...Music IS the Doctor (track from their Cycles album).
The last 2 days have been better because of music. Music from the Doobies, Billy Joel, James Taylor, Boston....anyone I find uplifting.
At work and during my workout, I just wanted to pack it in for the day and sleep.....the music kept me going and even got me to play some air drums....AT WORK! It also gave me the push to get 8 miles in 30 minutes on the stationary bike .
It has been a hard few months. But somehow, even after the crappy few months I have had, I found myself walking back to my hotel, snapping my fingers and singing my own version of karaoke.
..ahhhhhhh Music...
Yep, music always HAS brought me joy and it is when I forgot that fact that I feel sad. When I remember to let music work it's magic on my heart, I instantly feel better.
So, yes, we learned that the Doobie brothers are pretty smart. But, we learned something else today too....we should all learn what brings us joy and keep it a part of our life EVERY DAY! That way, you know that EVERY DAY has a least a little joy in it....no matter how much the rest of the day stunk.
That's it for tonight, come back tomorrow and you MIGHT just get to see an actual, real picture of my heart.
Good night & God bless
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Wow...three weeks, THREE WEEKS
It has been three weeks since I last wrote you all. It has been QUITE a three weeks.
Since then, I have gone from thinking my dad was gong to another chemo treatment, to having my father buried. I went from 142 lbs to 148 lbs and I went from thinking things were turning a corner and becoming positive to wondering if I was ever going to be feeling like things were going my way.
The passing of my father, Bill Donahue has been VERY hard. Dad & I were close. As his only boy, and the baby of the family, I was his "partner in crime". As such, I have been suffering many of the same problems that many others suffer when they feel lost. I have not been taking very good care of myself.
First, I have not been exercising like I was. I mean, I go....when I am here to go. It is just that when I go, the drive is not there.
I have been snacking and over eating. I have NOT been careful as to WHAT I eat...
...3 weeks???? Try 4 months and multiple false starts...
Yes folks, I started to write this post to you all on about June 21st, and needless to say it did not go well.
As you now know, since my last post, I have lost my father. I have to tell, you since that day it has not felt much like a time for thanks.
On Nov 22 last year I almost stopped hurting forever. Since June 4 THIS year, I have hurt a little every day. Not the way I was hoping this year would go.
Please don't get me wrong, I am glad to be alive. But life is not quite what it could be without my dad around. I was his partner in crime, and he was my dad....always.
That is a lot of why I have not written on this blog in so long; nothing to say, at least nothing but down-hearted and sad things. That is not what the thank-you year is supposed to be about. As you can see, even now, I am having trouble being up beat at all.
However, dad has been gone for exactly 4 months today, and it is time to get off my a$$ and get back to it. So, today, 10 months and 12 days since my heart attack, I am renewing my commitment to this blog.
I am reviving this blog in hopes that it helps someone other than me.
More importantly, I am publicly renewing my commitment to my family and to making sure that for them the outcome of Nov. 22 was not a waste.
See, since June 4, I have not been the best husband or father I could be.
I have never been father or husband of the year material, but this last little while the joy that is my family has been buried in my own self doubt and sadness. Things that have held me back before, are impacting my family more than ever recently.
This was never more evident than the other night when my selfish behavior may have ruined Ashley's night. She needed a night out with the girls and I acted needy and selfish to the point that it may have messed up her 1 chance to enjoy the evening.
I am sorry baby.
Whoops.... back into sadness mode. I don't want to go there, but Ashley deserves a public apology; as do our friends that she was out with.... for your privacy... you know you are.
So... today is my "feel sorry for myself post." There is no great message, no useful information, and no smiles.
Tomorrow, I will be back to posting consistently, concisely (maybe) and with a purpose other than to get every to sob for me.
To those of you who have read from day one, I am sorry for the hiatus and thank you for your love.
To those of you just joining me, please don't think this post represents this blog well. As much as I tried to avoid it, this post had to happen to kick-start me. Please go back and begin reading from post #1.
To everyone, please forget this post as quickly as you can.....I know I will.
What started out as the Thank-you year, has turned into the Thank-you 8 months. Lets see if I can make these last 2-1/2 months worth the read.
Good night and God bless....and thank you dad...for everything.
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