Well, I guess we are hitting the home stretch....


When I wake up tomorrow (okay, later today OFFICIALLY) I will be 1 WEEK from my 1 year anniversary.


I will have lived for a year after dying for two and one half minutes.
I am starting to ask myself again why I got to live; why did I get to be the one who "came back"?


Am I supposed to do something big? Am I supposed to save a life; prevent a crime?
Do I have a Guardian Angel named Clarence (movie reference anyone)?


If so, I f I AM supposed to be doing something special, how will I know if I have fulfilled such a lofty expectation?


Have I already? Is this insignificant little diary my "thing"? Did I somehow help someone enough for this to count? No...certainly THIS is not what I am to trade for getting my life back?


But if not this, then what? What am I supposed to do?


I was hoping to have it be something easy to notice; something like I would raise enough money for the EMS unit to buy some fancy new piece of equipment, or I would see someone ELSE have a heart attack and get them help "just in time". Somehow, I don't think it will be such a dramatic thing.


The money I have collected so far will not buy much more than lunch for the EMTs, forget some life saving new gadget.


I know I have not saved a life yet....there is no even trade here; no quid pro quo; no tit-for-tat.


So what, what am I supposed to do? Why did God do something as silly as let this plain, basic, middle aged man beat the "widow maker"?


I fear that long after this blog is closed down, I will still not feel like I have earned my extra time. I may never feel it. All I KNOW is that I am a very lucky man...I have a beautiful, talented, unbelievably caring and generous wife. I have 3 of the most wonderful kids a man could imagine. And....most of all, I get to be with them for at least a little while longer.


Oh, and I know one more thing......no matter WHAT I do, I will never be able to pay God back for even just this one year of that extra time.


Good night & God bless.